Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Good morning, and happy March, internet! I suppose I have decided to finally start updating this blog, even though I have not finished my research yet. I figure this is as good a place as any to actually talk about who I am and what I am dealing with on a daily basis.

Currently, I am in college full-time studying audio engineering. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, which is kind of awesome since I am thirty and have a kid. I've been told that I am mentoring kids (mostly, I hang out with some high school musicians and teach them how not to make the same mistakes I've made in life). I don't like to think of myself as a mentor, because that means I have to think of myself as a role-model, and most days, I think I am probably a pretty good example of what NOT to do. But I guess that's a start in some way.

When I was 25 I became Orthodox. I also became a single mom. The balance there is pretty interesting. I was discussing it one day with some of the other moms at church, and one woman described it pretty well. She said that it sounds like a lonely place to be. I don't feel lonely, but I do feel somewhat "outside" in any group.

I come to church, and I am somewhat at a loss. I love my single ladies. They're awesome. However, they don't understand how my child can take up so much of my life, and that's okay. They don't have to get that yet. They love us, and we love them. I don't quite fit with the moms either, because I can't relate to the place their husbands have in their lives. I hope I will be there someday, but right now, I am not. It's just the kid and me, and we have to figure out how to get by. There are any number of single mothers' groups around town, and they're fantastic. Here are a bunch of women who can totally relate to me as a single mother. They know exactly what I deal with when I am trying to find a job, go to school, pay the bills, fix a leaky toilet, and cook two meals and a snack all before noon. These girls, as much as I value their friendships, don't understand why my faith is so important to me. The single mothers' groups at the Protestant churches (where they hang out on Friday nights, sipping coffee and tea and being moms who love the Lord, and that ROCKS!) sometimes look at me like I've grown a second head when they realize I am Orthodox.

It's a tough spot. There are a lot of amazing women in my life, truly. There are also a lot of amazing (though not particularly marriageable, not that I am currently looking) men in my life. I love these people dearly.

But one day, I would really like to meet another Orthodox single mom around my age who really, really gets me.

And that, in a nutshell, is where I am most days. Please, feel free to comment and ask me anything. I am not ashamed of who I am, and I will gladly tell you anything you'd like to know about who I am and how I got here.

And eventually, I will finish my research.